“We need to listen to save lives. They matter…”

The words inside one’s head rang out strong as the winter storm coming from the Southerly change:

“I am a complete failure.”

“I am a burden.”

“I have let myself and other people down.”

“What’s the point in living?”

“No one needs me.”

“I’m better off dead.”

“I just can’t take it anymore…”

It takes a single moment for a cloud to appear… just as the storm builds, travelling from the South – another kid is standing atop the bridge, where the cold wind swirls like the bitter abyss below.

Where’s the end? Surely it will end soon? 

We all know life is tough. We hear the endless clichés repeatedly. Countlessly. Continuously. – We zone out.

Think about how many needed it to end. We don’t need statistics. Nobody should be a statistic.

The words ‘You’re not alone’ are not enough. They never are.

We should be talking. Doing. Not giving up. Not for an hour, a minute, or a single second.

Not dropping the ball. We’ve dropped far too many balls.

What are we going to do about it? 

No matter how much we try to avoid it, in one way or another, we end up in the ‘rat race’ for work or school and stuck in the rut of the mundane. Then we get into our heads how things “should be.”

That’s the downfall. It’s all perceptions, every part of it, and such perceptions stick – often and most certainly, negatively. 

And then, a kid is atop the bridge or pulling out razor blades, forgetting the priceless memories that have mattered so much to them… their lives. The big dreams they held deep for this world are worthless.

There is no breath left. All the love that radiates from people who adore them ever so dearly, has faded… every limb is caught up in the darkness of a starless night. 

That black hole encroaches; one is being swallowed as their insides churn like turning cream into butter. – Nightfall envelopes the soul, taking every piece of existence over… ever so slowly… until they have to leave… they just can’t take it anymore…

This is not about victimhood. No. This is about taking action. It’s time we got real about it. Are we going to continually sweep until the muck can no longer fit underneath the rug?

There are signs: The changes in behavior. The withdrawal from engaging in anything other than what is going on inside one’s head. 

Is that smile we see, really, truly, a smile. Or a mask, in which to hide?

Can we bear the truth? 

The bullied and the bullies are equal underdogs. 

Are we teaching our kids their worth within the worth of life itself? Or are we setting them up to devalue the very value of the soul they have inside?

Why do they need to hide? Against the “other side”…

Own it. Fess up to past mistakes: Why are we Raising Bullies? What’s the root cause?

What if it could turn around?

Determine the Root Cause

There’s no such thing as the stereotypical bully anymore. Gone are the days of that. It may seem unfathomable that the child you love has resorted to bullying others, but there are masks, and it’s always possible.

Thinking: “my child will never do that. They’re not a bully.” Chances are if it’s being said, they are. Any child is capable of bullying. The bully, the bullied– situations are eating at them too.

Ask real questions. Don’t fluff it with: “How do you think it feels for the person you’re bullying?” 

The truth is, at that point, they don’t care to see the “other side.” If they did, they would not choose such actions in the first place.

Do not give your child an excuse for their behavior.

These excuses are the root of the behavior.

It’s inside them. Reach out.

Confront it.

Deal with it.

We must cease avoiding the “tough stuff.” These feelings that often lead to suicide, are a real element. 

The quiet or flamboyant child that appears as happy as the sunshine above: is not necessarily fine or “simply going through a phase.” 

They’re a little more reserved or a little louder. All the while, darkness says: “you’re not enough” – and they’re dying inside. Eventually, something gives.

As parents, have your own emotional needs met, rather than using your child for inner fulfillment. 

If you have a family history of addiction, neglect, mental illness, divorce, narcissism, abuse, or unresolved control issues buried, utilize professional input to address it. It’s cliché, but there’s no shame in it. Make a conscious effort to ensure you are on a well-rounded, emotional path. Heal your past.

Society conditions issues regarding mental health as “weaknesses.” We, humans, have a hard time admitting fault towards our actions and the damage they create. 

If you are not willing to do the emotional work for yourself or your kids, then – you are not willing to do what you need to do for them. 

That muck swept under the rug, remember?

Don’t delay, for your family’s sake.

Don’t take things at face value. Your child will not always be truthful straight up and sometimes – never. We want to protect the ones we love the most. 

What’s left is the pain of being left behind.

Don’t stop asking questions. Be present. 

Despite best parenting efforts, controlling, intimidating, and harassing others to get what’s wanted is learned from somewhere close. Meanwhile,  pushing others to the edge, thyself included.

Differences don’t matter. Let’s teach more empathy, respect, and kindness rather than ignorance and arrogance towards someone’s story, what those pages tell. No one knows.

The soul is retreating. The silence takes hold. Let’s stop pretending.

Keep on pressing. Follow up. Don’t ignore the signs. Avoid raising bullies. Be real. Connect. Feel. Meeting certain expectations is just a societal construct. 

Take the time to find out who your kids are, apart from who you want them to be. 

Because 13, 16, 19, 22, or 25 – is just too young to leave. There’s an entire world out there for our souls to soar.

At Tutor Partners, we want to see change. In our honesty, we will rise, sharing the darkness that befalls the mind, and emerge into the light. Coming to the end of the fight…

Just be, live freely.

If you or anyone you know needs help, please contact Bands and Burgers For Suicide Prevention: 443-679-4916. Or the National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)